This was a worksheet that a pastor friend gave me several years back when I started doing counseling. It's simple and easy to follow along, and has been something I've used, not just with married couples, but in other areas of relational conflict as well.
Consider adding it to your personal toolbox so the next time you find yourself facing conflict, you can DIFFUSE it!
-DK
How to Diffuse
Conflict in Your Marriage:
D - DEFINE the
problem (on your own). Proverbs
15:14
I - INITIATE a
time to talk. Matthew 5:23-24
F - FOCUS on the
“perceived” problem, not the person.
Proverbs 18:19
F - FEEL their
pain (as though it were your own).
Proverbs 17:17
U - UNCOVER the
root problem. Proverbs 20:5
Symptom Root
Money Values, Priorities,
Money Values, Priorities,
Power /
Control Issues
Sex
Communication, Unmet
Emotional
Needs,
Past
History / Baggage
In-Laws Loyalty, Expectations
Children /
Work Roles and/or GoalsExperiencing
God’s Dream For Conflict
Resolution:
S - SET things
right between you. James 5:16
1. Own your
responsibility.
2. Confess - “I was
wrong. . .”
3. Ask forgiveness -
“Will you forgive me?”
E -
ESTABLISH a specific action plan that
addresses the issue discussed
(Write it
down) James 1:22-25
• Husband - I commit to . . . by . . . (when?)
• Wife - I commit to . . . by . . . (when?)
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