Skip to main content

Diffuse Conflict

This was a worksheet that a pastor friend gave me several years back when I started doing counseling. It's simple and easy to follow along, and has been something I've used, not just with married couples, but in other areas of relational conflict as well.

Consider adding it to your personal toolbox so the next time you find yourself facing conflict, you can DIFFUSE it!

-DK


How to Diffuse Conflict in Your Marriage:

D - DEFINE the problem (on your own).           Proverbs 15:14    

                                                                        
I - INITIATE a time to talk.         Matthew 5:23-24


F - FOCUS on the “perceived” problem, not the person.           Proverbs 18:19    
 
                                       
F - FEEL their pain (as though it were your own).             Proverbs 17:17

                                                                        
U - UNCOVER the root problem.       Proverbs 20:5
          
          Symptom           Root
           Money     Values, Priorities,
           Power / Control Issues
           Sex Communication, Unmet
           Emotional Needs,
           Past History / Baggage
           In-Laws   Loyalty, Expectations
           Children / Work     Roles and/or GoalsExperiencing God’s Dream For  Conflict

Resolution:

S - SET things right between you.       James 5:16

1.  Own your responsibility.
2.  Confess - “I was wrong. . .”
3.  Ask forgiveness - “Will you forgive me?”


E - ESTABLISH  a specific action plan that addresses the issue discussed
           (Write it down)  James 1:22-25


                                                                                
• Husband - I commit to . . . by . . . (when?)

• Wife - I commit to . . . by . . . (when?)

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

5 Fights Couples Have When Buying a House

When my wife and I bought our home in the Northern Kentucky area, it was quite an experience. We had a great Realtor® with whom I am now privileged to work. I can only imagine the things he must have thought about us, showing up to look at houses with our two young boys, talking about if a room was big enough...what was that smell...why would they put the switch over here...

Ah, those were the days!

Thankfully, we didn't actually fight (that I remember) about anything considering a house. We both had a concept together of what we wanted, and a price range. And outside of those things, I didn't care as long as she was happy. No really, I didn't! As long as I could have air conditioning and hot water, I was good!

However, that is not the experience everyone has.

Today, I am actually going to share a link that will take you to Realtor.com. The article was written earlier this year by Stephanie Barth, a writer, and contributor to several publications. She took this concept of…

The Top 10: Children's Resources

There are MANY things that can be used in Children's Ministry. Even at home in a family setting, it can be overwhelming to decide what material you use, what devotion book, or even what worship resource. So, in an effort to provide you with some usable resources, I would like to offer my top 10 Children's Ministry resources. No company has paid for this endorsement in any way, these are just resources I have used in ministry and think would be helpful, either for other Children's Ministry folks, or parents at home!

10-Veggie Tales
     These wonderful CGI creations sing, dance, do comedy, and provide great lessons in character that kids young and old enjoy. While the songs can be very annoying for adults, we understand that using Veggie Tales isn't about our likes, its about conveying spiritual truth to kids in a way they understand and can get it. And I also have been pleasantly surprised by the newest releases, which have been copies of classic tales (Sweet Pea Beauty…

When The Neighbors Don't Care

A home that isn't being maintained like others in the neighborhood can negatively affect your visual sense of appeal and in some extreme cases, even affect property values. It might be an overgrown yard, a fence in need of repair, excessive noise, unruly pets, paint peeling on the home or even a car or boat parked in front of the home that hasn't moved in weeks.

Most people want to be good neighbors and may be willing to correct an issue once it is brought to their attention. A practical, but possibly confrontational, solution is to contact the responsible person and describe your perception of the issue. However, they may not always agree with the same urgency and it might be necessary to seek other remedies.


An owner-occupant may be more sympathetic to the neighbors and willing to correct the issue. If you think the home might be a rental property, check with the county tax records to identify the owner. They may be unaware of the situation and welcome the…